she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
