She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
