fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
