sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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