you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
