I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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