Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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