omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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