forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
