I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
