he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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