just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
