So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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