I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
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I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
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I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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