So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
