Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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