the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
