We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
