I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
