Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
