you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize