My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
