Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
