She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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