She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
