i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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