I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
