I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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