I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I AM VODKA MAN
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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