How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
