so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
