Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
