Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
