Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
