Soap is not a condiment
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize