I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
