proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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