Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
