Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
