shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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