I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
