i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize