I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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