omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
