did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
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You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
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Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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