saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
