i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Randomize
