is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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