so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
