omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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