I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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