were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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