Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
bring money and cleavage
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
