Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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