Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
