You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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