Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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