around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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