I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
