I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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