why didn't you poke me back
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
