My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So squirting runs in the family.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
