sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
