one might say we're banned from that church
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Acid is not a monday night drug
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
